To think that one's life is interesting enough to write about is indeed flattering.
"Nothing is true. All is permitted." - Last words of Hassan i Sabbah X
I am a carbon based life-form of average mass. Currently I live above sea level, though experimentation into blending my habitat with that of a Manatee is already under way at a secret location. Barnacles continue to halt its progress.
With luck, I will have successfully colaborated with fate so that I never manage to breed. The aliens that go around abducting people for their ovaries have been warned and given my address, but just to make absolutely sure I was safe, the MI6 put a magnet in my brain to deflect the scanners. Not to worry anyone, but now that I think of it I don't think MI6 are trained to do that sort of thing. Anyway, now I can put my head in a microwave and I keep getting stuck to the refrigerator door. I think it's a sign.